Tuesday, December 11, 2012

50 shades of becoming a millionaire!

I know I am the nth person on this earth to be writing a review of 'Fifty Shades of Grey', but wait!I am not writing about how good or bad the book was!I want to tell you that this book is hilarious.I want to recommend it for all those who are looking for a good laugh or looking for some comic reading.I also bring to the notice of everyone who aspires to be a writer but doesn't go forward because of not having good language or intellect, that you can still be a successful writer without having these qualities!

Book reviews are not my thing. They are best left to my good friend Adi (wordsutteredinhaste.blogspot.in). But I decided to write this review for people who might have missed out on a big laugh. Are you puzzled about why I am calling this book hilarious when so many people have either called it trash or a great read?

Reasons why I find this book hilarious are ( BTW, I didn't read the entire book . After about 50 or 60 pages,I couldn't. I scanned through some parts of the latter part of the book):
1) It's hilarious that a 21 year old supposedly good-looking girl in America is still a virgin!

2) It's hilarious that a 21 year old college-going, working girl just goes off to interview a business tycoon without any research. Rather, it's hilarious thather friend who managed to get the appointment should send her amateur friend to conduct the interview.I mean why on earth would she risk sppoiling the chances of a good interview? Didn't she have any other able journalist friend who could pitch in for her?Couldn't she re-schedule the interview?Couldn't she take a telephonic/skype/text interview?

3) It's hilarious that a 21 year old working girl would go and stumble on the carpet and fall face flat on the floor! have you ever heard of such a thing?

4) It's hilarious that a young man who has achieved so much before the age of thirty can take time out of managing his empire, to streamline most of his time towards pursuing a girl in such a strategic manner.

5) It's hilarious that he actually employs the services of a lawyer to write a contract about what stuff should be done between him and his woman, which is written down to the creepiest and most irritating detail.

6) It's hilarious that after reading through 60 to 70 pages boring pages of repetitive writing, you discover that he still wants her to sign a contract, when the chemistry between them seems to be volatile (understatement) without any contract and they have already acted out most of whatever acts were mentioned in the contract.The contract semed to be null and void already.Neither of the protagonists seemed to require any contract as both seemed equally involved. yawn!

7) It's hilarious that a 21 year old college student who also had a job did not have a computer! Can you beat that? i don't think anyone uses a friend's computer anymore! James was so busy looking after her family and children that she forgot to check what happened in life outside and missed out on important details. 

8)It's hilarious that his driver buys her clothes which are perfect fits!

9) It's hilarious that Christian behaves like a possessive lover right from the beginning even though he is not a 'hearts and flowers' man.Yawn! yawn!

10) It's hilarious that Anastasia continues going out with this guy even after he tells her about the ridiculous contract!

Now let me tell you how to become a millionaire without any talent of writing!:

1) You MUST have poor language

2) you MUST make a mesh of a Mills and Boon ( volatile chemistry, girl being caught in arms as she is about to fall, elevator kiss etc)and harold Robbins( bedroom scenes). but hey...you mUST back it with mundane language and a repetitive story

3) Do NOT have much of a plot.

4) Have weird words and phrases 'laters baby', 'I stutter', 'I murmer',' pants hanging from hips' etc, etc.

5) Have weird , unexplained concepts, 'You must eat, Anastasia! Why does he force her to eat? i couldn't fathom till the time I read the first bit of the novel, after which I started scanning.' My inner Goddess'!!!! ( hilarious)

6) Plan a trilogy. That's money tripled over.

7) You MUST have very good luck, so that after writing poor quality stuff, you may still catapult to the position of being the authorof the most read book in a short period .

8) Have a dumb female ( who has no idea that she is good looking) and and ultra rich , uktra good looking guy with a troubled past. You MUST let the protagonists use high quality branded gizmos, so that you get some product positioning as wel ( any maybe bucks from those companies)l.

9) You must create hype on the net first by writing an online book and using the fan base of an already famous book series to write your own story (story??)

10) You MUST be low on intellect.

There!I think I have gathered the most pertinent points about the book! Now you can also attempt to become rich and famous. Best of Luck!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Added Vice!

I hadn't updated this blog in a long time as I had nothing to write about. In short I wasn't feeling very spiteful about anything in life. If you ever wasted time going through the long posts in this blog, you would have noticed that most of the posts were spiteful. Just as I thought that I would start writing other spontaneous thoughts on this blog, boom! Out comes this post..

This post is about advice.Giving advice rather!

Definition: Advice is a piece of unnecessary information that you give to another who is either switching off on you, or laughing and sneering at you from inside, while maintaining a straight face in your front. In short giving advice is about telling people that you are foolish and low on IQ and EQ both.

Types of Advisors:

1) Unsolicited Advisors: Advice that is given without being asked for. People who give such advice are usually people who think as highly of themselves as others think poorly of them . Greet them and you will get a piece of advice. Sneeze and you will get a piece of advice. Run away from them and you will still get a piece of advice...from them!

2) Seniors Advisors: These are people who are older to you and think that they know better just because they are older. They tell you what to do and what not to and expect you to listen to them with rapt attention. Only thing they do not realise is the fact that the other person is wondering how on earth someone could still be so dumb after having walked so many years on this earth!

3) Marriage Advisors: These people lurk around single people and tell them that they are sinners because they haven't got married yet. How can life go on if one is single? It's another matter that their own marriages are not working out or unhappy!

4) Life Advisors: These people give you advice on anything and everything. Want to buy a car? They are there! Problem with boss? They are there! Investment issues? Them! Buying vegetables? Them! These people are smug and happy in their own world.They talk so much that they don't hear the other person talking to someone else as they are busy giving advice !

How to avoid advisors: look at them and switch off! that's the only solution to escape from them .They are usually people with low IQ and high 'ME' factor. So they would not even notice! Good Luck!